How to cope with your feelings.

"There is always a reason behind every feeling, recognise it, identify it, own it, give it its due place in your life and breathe free!"

Hi dear friends!
Welcome to my blog!
Now that these emotions have been identified clearly, lets learn how to deal with them, so that they do not disrupt your life.Listed below are the Group A and Group B feelings in the descending order of their intensity.
Group A
This group begins with Boredom and ends with Guilt.
Guilt, Anger, Frustration, Irritability, Indifference, Dissatisfaction, Boredom.
Story Analysis: Ravi's story in my previous post on "Group A: 7 Anger causing feelings", illustrates how a seemingly insignificant feeling of boredom leads to him acting in anger and then facing the consequences, which was for him going to prison. If Ravi was aware, that, his boredom was not because of the tedious tasks that had to be done, but more because of his inexperience and expectations from his first job, things would be different. He would have approached his boss with an open mind, with a view to find a solution or even better, with a solution! Once his boss explained to him the importance of those mundane tasks, he would have understood and moved on rather than brooding over it. He would have found an effective way to adapt to the systems and processes and then focus on enjoyable part of his job.
Coping Technique: Step 1: Question motives before doing anything and be honest:
1. Why did Ravi take up the job offer?
2. Was the main part of his job productive and fulfilling?
3. Could the boredom be dealt with, by finding creative ways to liven up his work space?
4. Finally, choose one of the ways to deal with negative emotions listed in below in STEP 2.
If he was aware of why he felt, the way he did, rather than blaming the circumstances, he could have found ways to adapt. Having said that, we must understand not all situations are as mentioned in my story. It may happen that some organisations have exploitative work policies or bosses, then resigning would be the best option, rather than being harassed day in and day out. That decision is yours to make if your life situation permits it.
Group B
This group begins with: Insecurity and ends in Shame
Shame, Fear, Confusion, Helplessness, Indecision, Worry, Oversensitivity, Insecurity.
Story Analysis: Sushma's story in my previous post on "Group B, 8 fear causing feelings" takes us through her happy days, and then, suddenly a mishap changes everything for her and her husband. Events happened so fast that she was unable to sit back and take in all that was happening. This led her to feel disoriented with her surroundings. She lost touch with reality. Even though her doctor had not said that she may not recover, emotions clouded her mind and she fell into the "What if things get worse?", trap. The only way to deal with this was to confront it and see it for what it was. Things would definitely not be the same for her, she have to find and accept her "new normal" may be 80% of her normal. Not easy at all but doable, she may even have discovered some new skills that she never knew existed.
Coping Techniques: Question facts about fears
1. Was Sushma severely injured?
2. Was her husband taking care of her?
3. Did the doctors say that she would never be able to walk again?
4. Could she have informed her clients about her mishap and found a workable solution that would benefit both?
5. Did her husband abandon her by taking a touring job?
6. How could she have handled her shame of being completely dependant on another person?
7. Was committing suicide the only path out of her misery?
8. Then choose the best way, to cope with her emotional and physical setbacks, from STEP 2 below:
Looking at the story above we can clearly see quite a few discrepancies in her reality and her feelings. However as I have mentioned before when the mind gets clouded with emotion it is almost impossible to think clearly. At this stage she definitely needed professional help.


So now, lets see how we can cope with our emotional challenges.
EFFECTIVE COPING TECHNIQUE: STEP 1
1. List out the most dominant negative feeling you are dealing with at the moment, and at least 5 more in the descending order of their intensity.
2. Write the events that trigger these feelings.
3. Check if the events that trigger these other 5 feelings are connected to the dominant feeling triggering event.




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4. Study your response carefully and note if the things causing discomfort are under your control or not.
5. Accept the unchangeable facts of the events. Don't waste your time worrying about things that you can do nothing about, for e.g. rules, laws which must be followed and biases, prejudices, opinions of others, which have got nothing to do with you, they are perceptions the other person has about you, which is mostly false.
6. Do the best you can with the changeable part of the event. start with what you know.
EFFECTIVE COPING TECHNIQUES: STEP 2
1. Prayers or Sermons:
Most of us believe that there is a supreme being who watches over the earth and us. Every religion has a different name for that supreme being or God. There are priests who study and explain the word of God in simple terms, helping us incorporate the holy scriptures into our day to day living, these are called sermons. Prayer is putting our sorrows and fears, no matter how big, at God's feet and having faith that they will be solved. Praying gives us great peace and comfort. We don't feel alone. We can ask for anything and believe it will be granted. So if prayer is what gives you the answers to your questions then prayer is for you.
2.Yoga and Meditation:
This is an ancient and a great way to centre yourself. Yoga is for the physical wellbeing and Meditation for the mind. This requires discipline. The main aim is to focus your attention on one thing and keep your mind blank. However as we know there are a million thoughts that zoom in and out of our minds, so it is a challenge to try and focus on one thing alone. Thoughts and feelings that you want and don't want keep coming to your mind to distract you and your challenge is to examine each one, validate it and set it aside. No judgement no condemnation, It is just another feeling. You can see it for what it is, not by how daunting it seemed when you first felt it.
3. Positive Affirmation audios:
There are many effective audios that have affirmative statements, spoken in a soothing voice and light soft background music. This is especially effective for those who are feeling low and discouraged in life or even for those who want to be motivated through out the day. The best thing about this is that it speaks directly to your subconscious mind you just have to put on the audio and relax.
4. Long walks:
Nothing is better than a long walk to de-stress yourself and calm down emotions. Its common to see in movies that whenever there is an argument between 2 people one of them almost always says "I am going to take a walk". A long walk distracts the mind and provides the opportunity to look at other things and dilute the intensity of the emotion you are trying to come to terms with. It gives the mind respite from the pressure of the overwhelming emotions.
5. Consult a Psychologist or Psychiatrist- Finally if all of the above do not get you into a stable emotional state, then it would be advisable to seek professional help. Choose a person you can speak to comfortably and express your concerns freely without being judged.
There are many variations and combinations of the coping techniques in step 2. You need to choose the one that suits you the best. With that I come to end of my post.
I do hope you found the post helpful.
That's all for now dear readers. See you in my next post, till then bye and take care!